Life after a baby can be stressful amidst the joy of being a new mom. Physical changes, engorged breasts, urinary incontinence, and sleepless nights are only half of the problems after childbirth. Then, there are the dreaded “intimacy problems” no one warned you about. It’s time to get the 411 before you think you’re losing your mind.
Changes Down There Can Make You Self-Conscious
Pregnancy affects your whole body including vaginal muscles, causing sex after childbirth to be awkward for some women. According to Fit Pregnancy and Baby, hormones during pregnancy and postpartum can cause vaginal muscles to become loose. The culprit is most often low levels of estrogen. It has happened to women who have had a vaginal delivery or a C-section. You may no longer feel sexy, or you may feel anxious, self-conscious or embarrassed.
You Will Be Too Tired to Have Sex
Caring for a newborn is demanding and tiresome, it’s easy to get super tired! Breastfeeding, diaper changes, and taking care of other responsibilities will suck the energy out of you. There is literally no time to “sleep while the baby sleeps.” But once baby settles in for a “long” nap, all you will want to do is slump into the nearest bed. The thought of sex hasn’t even crossed your mind. Do try to catch some sleep where you can (here are some tips).
Your Libido May Take a Nosedive
Low sex-drive plays a significant role in the loss of interest in intimacy after childbirth. The hormone oxytocin is released during breastfeeding, often suppressing the libido. According to Bellybelly, exhaustion from the demands of motherhood and sleep deprivation are also responsible for lack of sexual desire. Additionally, a loss of libido may be accompanied by vaginal dryness.
Vaginal Dryness May Add to the “Baby Blues”
If the baby blues have you down, vaginal dryness may have you feeling even more unhappy. Not to mention the ‘ouch’ that could be caused by lack of natural moisture down there. According to Parenting, if you had an episiotomy, sex after childbirth can be quite uncomfortable. Once again, low estrogen levels during pregnancy and breastfeeding are the cause. Dryness is usually accompanied by itching or a burning sensation of the vagina.
Hopefully, you are relieved to know these intimacy problems are usual, but gradually improves. In the meantime, vaginal lubricating oils or gels can help relieve vaginal dryness to make intimacy more pleasurable. Also, Kegel exercises to tighten vaginal muscles have proven to help women regain vaginal sensation.
“I’m planning to get an epidural so I don’t need a doula.”
This is unfortunately the primary thought among birthing women today, particularly those who plan to choose medication for their births. Obviously, doulas have historically done a very poor job of educating the public about the role of a professional doula. To further muddy the waters, many “doulas” that have made poor impressions on society at large about doula support. They have cheapened the meaning of the words “I’ll support you” by following it with the word “if.”
I’ll support you IF you choose not to circumcise.
I’ll support you IF you want (my definition of) a natural birth.
I’ll support you IF you labor at home as long as possible.
I’ll support you IF you decide to have a home birth.
I’ll support you IF you don’t get induced.
I’ll support you IF you don’t get an epidural.
I’ll support you IF…. You do things my way.
And most of the time, these “doulas” want to see only one kind of birth: an unmedicated one. They leave once their client asks for an epidural. Beware these “doulas.” That is not a doula.
That is a birth activist posing as a doula to use a woman’s birth for her own agenda. It’s no surprise that women choosing to have medication feel like they don’t need a doula. It’s as if to say that an epidural can replace everything that a doula does. But friends, an epidural is no substitute for a professional doula.
An epidural cannot meet with you during your pregnancy, spend personal time listening to your thoughts, fears, expectations, and apprehensions about your upcoming birth.
An epidural does not personally know the care providers in your area. Therefore, it cannot get to know your personal situation and make appropriate recommendations for who may be a good match for you.
An epidural cannot help you process and discuss your previous births as you prepare for another one.
An epidural is not connected with a network of birth related support professionals to provide you with extra support prenatally and postpartum.
An epidural does not have lending libraries of priceless information for you to look through as you prepare for labor, birth, and life with a new baby; it cannot know your personal situation or preferences and make recommendations accordingly.
An epidural cannot talk you through all of your birth and baby care options, help you from your birth plan, or answer questions as you put it all together.
An epidural cannot provide reassurance that your experiences and emotions in pregnancy and are normal and it cannot sympathetically encourage you to hang in there as you wait during the last few weeks.
An epidural does not go on call for you 24/7 in the last weeks of your pregnancy to answer questions, offer physical or emotional support, or help you understand what may be a confusing and inconsistent early labor phase.
An epidural can not support your labor at home before you get to the hospital, and it cannot help you decide when is a good time to go.
An epidural cannot watch you as you labor to help you understand what stage of labor you may be in, which is sometimes a general guide for when to leave for the hospital.
An epidural cannot support you as you labor until the pain medication takes effect.
An epidural can provide you with one option for effective pain control.
An epidural is not an expert in positioning during labor in such a way that the baby has the best chance of moving through the pelvis.
An epidural cannot support your partner.
An epidural cannot communicate about your labor to other family members.
An epidural cannot help you understand the medical language that may be used around you and about you as you labor.
An epidural cannot reassure you that any medication side effects you may be experiencing are completely normal. It cannot offer you options for managing those either.
An epidural cannot massage your feet, brush your hair, or gets something to drink for you and your partner.
An epidural cannot help coach you through the pushing phase.
An epidural cannot take pictures of you, your new baby, and your partner during or after the birth.
An epidural cannot help you get into a comfortable position after the birth.
An epidural cannot help your baby achieve their first latch.
An epidural cannot follow up with you days or weeks after the birth to see how you and baby are doing.
An epidural cannot provide you with ongoing postpartum support or resources.
A doula can.